This ain't no temporary, typical, tearful good-bye
This ain't no breakin' up and wakin' up and makin' up one more time
This is gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday
Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang
Gone like a '59 Cadillac
Like all the good things that ain't never coming back
She's gone

This ain't no give it time, I'm hurtin' but maybe we can work it out,
Won't be no champagne, red rose, romance, second chance,
This is gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday
Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang
Gone like a '59 Cadillac
Like all the good things that ain't never coming back
She's gone
She's gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday
Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang
Gone like a '59 Cadillac
Like all the good things that ain't never coming back
She's gone
She's gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday
Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang
Gone like a '59 Cadillac
Like all the good things
Well, she's gone

Long gone, done me wrong
Never comin' back, my baby's gone
Lonely at home, sittin' all alone
She's packed her bags and now she's gone
Never comin' back, she's gone
No no never, no no never, no never comin' back

* I heard this song on the way to Mom and Dad's this morning. I heard the first verse and the line "this ain't no breakin' up and wakin' up and makin' up one more time" caught my attention. This is my song of the day...

IMG_0710
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

21594512_8161f02482_o
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

21594761_1ed12f1989_o
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

IMG_0650
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

21594616_655f66f701_o
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

DEGREE OF DECIDEDNESS SCORE:

Degree of decidedness refers to how close a person is to making a decision. Your Degree of Decidedness can be viewed on a spectrum divided into four possible levels:

* You are completely decided.
* You are somewhat decided.
* You are somewhat undecided.
* You are completely undecided.

Your Degree of Decidedness Score has been calculated according to the way you have sorted the items today. Based on your B-Sort today the following may apply:

You are inclined to remain undecided. Heads up! It is important to realize that deciding to remain undecided is an actual decision.


AWARENESS OF SELF SCORE:

Awareness is about knowing yourself. There are many ways of knowing yourself. For example, you can know facts about yourself, such as your height, weight, age, race, order of birth. You can also know about preferences such as what you like to eat, what you like to do and where you like to go. For our purposes here, we are concerned about how you can know yourself through knowing your wants, needs, feelings, standards and values with respect to your relationship dilemma.

The degree of self awareness varies from person to person. It also varies within a person over time. Sometimes you will know yourself better than other times. You probably have experienced this in the past.

The B-Sort takes the full range of Awareness of Self and divides it into the following four levels:

* You have an extremely high level of awareness of self. You can feel very confident in your decision-making.
* You have a high level of awareness of self. You can feel confident in your decsion-making.
* You have a moderate level of awareness of self. Increasing your awareness of self will help you reach a high quality of decision.
* You have a low level of awareness of self. Increasing your awareness of self is necessary to reach a high quality of decision.

Your Awareness of Self Score has been calculated according to the way you have sorted the items today.

Factors Contributing to Awareness of Self:

Emotion

Your feelings are significantly undifferentiated which means that you have different feelings that are combining together so that you don't know what they are. Undifferentiated feelings can interfere with making a good quality decision.

You often feel despair about your life. Seek professional help. You need support to deal with your feelings of despair. Reaching out to use the resources in your community is a healthy action.

Self Interruption

You are blocking your emotions to some extent. If your feelings are blocked that is, you are not clear what you feel, your ability to make a good quality decision is impaired.

Negative Self Regard

You do not appear to have significant negative feelings towards yourself. That's good.

You are not strongly judgemental about yourself. This makes it easier for you to know what your heart wants and needs.

'Head' overrides 'Heart'

You are somewhat aware of the struggle within yourself.

Your standards and values do not significantly conflict with your wants and needs at this time.

Overly focused

Hurting others: You are overly concerned about other people's feelings. This level of concern may put you in danger of over riding your own best interests.

Opinions of Others: You have a tendency to worry too much about what other people may think.

'Head' and 'Heart' deadlocked

Good news! You believe you are able to take positive action in regard to your relationship dilemma.

Harsh treatment of your self does not seem to be a problem for you right now.

Backing off

Bad news! You don't yet realize that you are really a better person than you think you are. Self-criticism impairs your ability to make a good decision.

You are easing up on yourself. Yes! Easing up on yourself is essential to reaching a good resolution.

'Heart' emerging

You are aware of some wants and needs that you are missing in your relationship.

You are striving to meet your wants and needs. Choosing not to give up is very positive.

Your Heart's wants and needs are important to you. This is helpful.

You recognize that your wants and needs are worth fighting for. This is positive.

You value your feelings. Good!

You have an increased trust in yourself. Very positive!

Your deeper feelings are not yet clear to you. Discovering what they are will lead to a better perception of your dilemma.

You have a need to be out of this relationship.

You have not yet become clearly aware of your deeper feelings.

You value your feelings. This is very helpful in your decision-making.

Self Effectiveness

You do not yet have a strong sense of self effectiveness. This hampers your decision-making.

Great! You believe that no matter what you do, you will be OK.

New sense of self

You have not yet achieved integration of Head and Heart. This means that you have not yet begun to develop a new sense of self.

Feeling good about the Decision

You have not yet made a decision that you feel good about.



* Courtesy of www.b-sort.com.

I have not written in my journal except a couple of poems here and there for the past year. Above everything else, I fear it is affecting my memory. Despite the hectic life I use to live I was always sharp in remembering everything that happened the day before, the week before and the week before that. I think writing down events is a great memory exercise. Now my days are just blenidng in with each other, or maybe that's because I don't really do anything else different these days. (That's a possibility.)

To top it off, I'm beginning to be really bad at remembering what is supposed to be happenning next. I miss birthdays and events, and I schedule things and - I'm lucky if I remember what day it is.

I'm becomming more frustrated at the fact that I'm sludging through life, and find myself getting more stagnant. What happened? Where did all the energy go? I sleep more now but I'm I've no get-up-and-go left in me.

That's sad. I think my get-up-and-go actually aided in making me feel happy.

Here are pics courtesy of nbundy to peruse...














...we bumped into Travis and Ashley as well, though I won't have time to upload those pics until tomorrow I'm sure. Until then. G'night!

tmgaihaa_pbk
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Instead of just going to the pub for a pint and moaning to his buddies about his relationship sorrows, this kid, Mil Millington used his misfortunes to shoot himself into fame and publishdom. Check out: www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com.

So, he's got a book about it in several translated languages. Don't you wish you'd thought about it first? Ray would never run out of material, we would have been millionares by now.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Met Ray at Oscar's last night. We had planned on watching the Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie last night since watching it during the weekends seemed futile, what with the cluastrophobia inspiring crowd. We has some drinks, played pool and ate dinner killing a good two and a half hours before the showing. When we finally sat down I turned to him with an assignment, always consumed with the need of finding ways to make our relationship better. I said, "While you're watching the movie I need you to find 5 things in it that you can relate to you and me."

"Are you serious?" he asked with a forced smile. And it began...

After the movie he knew exactly what I meant. Despite the fact that Mr. and Mrs. Smith are both highly skilled assasins, and Oh! they're both dead sexy, the highs and lows of the movie are peppered with normal relationship issues. They bicker and make up seamlessly as they lock and load. It's your everyday power struggle to the extreme.

Of course, Ray and I found our five things and some. But that's for us to discuss and ponder. I challenge everyone else to go and relate themselves. Leave me a comment on one of them = how it relates to your relationship, how it was resolved in the movie or how you feel it could have been resolved.

im-a-crap
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Being a foreigner myself I hear all the stereo types, but to be completely honest, I think they're actually funny. Not necessarily true, but funny.

Visit Engrish.com for a collection of authentic Japanese Engrish.

*This site especially recommended to Eli and Dad, you guys will love this one.


maintrance
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

PICT0519
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

I'm back online! w00t! w00t!

So, let me tell you what happened - as best as I can remember: Ray and I had a fight, like we always do, way back in May (which means several fights back.) Seeing how attached I am to my blog he decides the best way to push my button is to unplug me.

Remember back to the first post when I mentioned that Ray had bought me the domain name. Well, he's owned it all that while and I just pay for the hosting and linked the name to my IP. So, Ray decides he's going to "sell" the name and completely erases the settings. He calls me, of course, to tell me what he's done. Something or rather was said and he says he can put it back where it was.

Meanwhile, I'm getting calls, emails and such "What happened to the site?" And I tell y'all, it's cool it will be back up. I see Ray and he says it takes 24 - 48 hrs. So I wait. Nothing. I call Go Daddy he says everything is set fine. I wait some more, nothing. I wait so much Ray and I fight again, nothing about waiting but something else. (Really to this point we are still trying to figure out which fight happened when and what it's for, laugh if you must.) So, I give up on it. Whatever, he'll let it go and I'll buy it then or I'll just buy a different one altogether.

You know how this story goes, we made up. So, I thought I'd give it another try, this time Ray transferred the registration to my account. I am now the rightful owner of CrankyMonkey.com. He has justified it by verifying that if we ever permanently split he will always have my URL. Awwww! Sweet stalker baby!

So, I call GoDaddy verify the transfer was completed and the rep advises me that the name had been set to the incorrect IP address this whole time. This time the wait was not for nought, I'm back.