Because no one reads it when I do. I have to wait an entire month before someone comes up to me who's noticed. That's bunked out. I'm unloved and unappreciated.

Our Fortune Cookies
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Ching, Ray and I placed our fortunes in the same plate. It was a while back during Mom's birthday dinner at PF Changs. Let's see if everyone can still remember which fortune was for them.

Becky's favorite quote: "Yeah, men do suck! But what can we do, a girl has needs that goes beyond batteries." - Jen 10/26/03 I don't even know how she remembers that date, or what we were talking about but it's flattering to be quoted. Sometimes I'm just so smart.

Anyway, on to the get to know me questionare: (Feel free to cut and paste to your own blog and keep the chain going.)

First:
-- Name: Jenni
-- Birthday: Nov 26
-- Birthplace: Manila, Philippines
-- Current Location: In front of a computer.
-- Eye Color: Brown
-- Hair Color: Black
-- Height: 5'2"
-- Righty Or Lefty: Righty
-- Longest Romance: So far ... 2.5 years

Second:
-- Your Heritage: Filipino
-- The Shoes You Wore Today: Brown Boots
-- Your Weakness: Baby Talk
-- Your Fears: Flying objects
-- Your Perfect Pizza: Ham, Bacon and Jalapeno
-- Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: clean my car

Third:
-- Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "gotta go"
-- Your Thoughts First Waking Up: "where's my pillow?"
-- Your Best Physical Features: I like all of me.
-- Your Bedtime: Depends on my mood.
-- Your Most Missed Memory: Memory?

Fourth:
-- Pepsi Or Coke: Pepsi
-- McDonald's Or Burger King: Burger King
-- Single Or Group Dates: Group dates are cop outs.
-- Lipton Ice tea Or Nestea: Hmmm...tough one. Nestea.
-- Chocolate Or Vanilla: Vanilla.
-- Cappuccino Or Coffee: Coffee with sugar and milk.

Fifth: Do You...
-- Cuss: Only when the situation calls for it.
-- Sing: Oh yeah, I rock out in the shower!
-- Take A Shower Everyday: I try to.
-- Do You Think You've Been In Love: Absolutely, I am in love right now even. How about that?
-- Liked High School: School is school. I liked my friends.
-- Want To Get Married: I really don't think so.
-- Believe In Yourself: Believe in myself to do what?
-- Get Motion Sickness: What motion?
-- Think You're Attractive: Oh yeah, I think I'm attractive. Just most people don't agree.
-- Get Along With Your Parents: I would like to think so.
-- Like Thunderstorms: Yes, actually I find them soothing.
-- Play An Instrument: I pretend to
-- Talk A lot or Listen A lot: Talk a lot.
-- Consider Yourself Boring: Never.
-- Read Books: Read lots of books.
-- Smile Constantly: I just can't help myself.
-- Think You're Good In Bed: I don't want to brag...
-- Like 4 play: Are you hitting on me?

Sixth: In The Past Month...
-- Drank Alcohol: In the past 24 hours.
-- Done A Drug: Okay, this one's no. Seriously. I'm just naturally crack-headed.
-- Gone On A Date: Yeah, I guess. Ray and I went to the Orpheum last weekend.
-- Gone To The Mall: Of course, I can't resist a chance to find things I can't afford.
-- Eaten An Entire Box Of Oreos: I actually don't have Oreos at home right now.
-- Eaten Sushi: Never eaten sushi.
-- Been On Stage: What stage?
-- Gone Skinny Dipping: In the past month? It's winter time.
-- Stolen Anything: Only hearts ... CHEESE!

Seventh: Ever...
-- Been Trashed Or Extremely Intoxicated: hahahahahhaha! I love these questions.
-- Been Called A Tease: Back in high school before guys matured.
-- Gotten Beaten Up: I think my sister beat me up once.
-- Started A Physical Fight: Yeah, I started that fight with my sister. Actually she did by throwing the piece of paper at me. (See Fear: Flying objects.)
-- Start Arguments: No, I end arguments other people start them.
-- Shoplifted: That's illegal.
-- Ever Pay For Sex: Me? Really now.
-- Ever Lie To A Significant Other: He says I do, but I don't.
-- Almost Lose Your Life: No, but I seem to always lose my mind.

Eighth:
-- How Do You Want To Die: Fabulously.
-- What Do/Did You Want To Be When You Grow Up: Taller.
-- What Country Would You Most Like To Visit: Italy.
-- Do You Consider Yourself Happy: For the most part.
-- Fastest Way A Man Can Win Your Heart: Give me that winning smile.

Ninth: In a girl/guy
-- Best Eye Color: green
-- Best Hair Color: dark blond
-- Short Or Long Hair: short
-- Height: 6'2"
-- Best article of clothing: flat front Kenneth Cole dress pants
-- Best Personal Qualities/Attributes You Look For In Opposite Sex: someone who can handle an independent woman that needs to feel fragile now and then.

Tenth:
-- Number Of People I Could Trust With My Life: I don't think anyone's really out to get me.
-- Number Of CDs That I Own: I haven't counted recently.
---Number Of Piercings: I'm down to one.
-- Number Of Tattoos: Still three, not like I can take tattoos off right?
-- Number Of Things In My Past That I Regret: I don't have enough time for regrets.
-- Number Of Sexual Partners:
-- Your IQ: IQ?
-- Interested in dating someone who responds to this: no, more than one bored geek chic blogger is dangerous.
-- Favorite Quote: "For 10 dollars I can make three wishes come true in three days, in the name of Jesus!" - - Hillside Palm Reader

So, after being home for the holiday she's MIA from my call log. I ring her up and ask WTF!?! She talks about this guy, nameless as they all are he shall remain, and says he found her through her blog. Hu-Wa? Yeah, my Beckster has a blog and she IMed me the URL and it's long. Saving everyone the hassle I'll give the click and go here:Becky's Blog. Anyway, soon I will add her to the quick links on the side. Soon like when I get the chance to catch everyhing else up in my life.

Quick review, we went to Surphace's Orpheum gig. Much ado. It was pretty spiffy for the most part. The Orpheum rocks my world and I'm trying hard to convince Ray we need to go back. After Surphace quit the stage we went to Flashbacks and I was immediately drunk. (I think intoxicated more with entertaining the thought of once again working there, though they don't really dance on the bar as much as we use to.) We stayed long enough to chat with Eric and Adina, and play pool then headed to Finn's. Nothing special about Finn's. It's our friend's bar though so we almost always end up there. Then we went to IHOP where all the geeky-teenage-wanna-be-punk-mayhem-makers go to pester their waiter asking them to gather everyone up and do the Clapping Birthday Shananigans. Ugh!

Saturday I ventured out on my own. James was spinning at Finn's so I was there chillin' with Carissa and Bri. I actually had tons of fun "dancing." No, I will not elaborate.

Regardless, it's Monday again but I survived this work day and I'm sure I'll survive tomorrow too. Knock on wood!

Surphace
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

I chanced by Charlie and his band many moons ago. I remember seeing him before he took the stage at the outside patio in Biggins, I turned to my friend and asked if they knew there was a minor in the bar. I was promptly educated on who the band was, my friend ended up being an enthusiastic fan. That night I listened more than watched confident that he (Charlie) had the get up and the 'tude but cynical that such a young'un would have anything substantial to sing about. I've been impressed ever since.

Most that know me can vouch I don't take my listening selection lightly. I have an eclectic taste, from Blue Grass to Metal, but there's one thing that stays consistent, the music has to move me. Make me sad, make me angry, make me melt, make me motivated, make me sleep even, anything ... Don't just read my words and think you know what I mean, hear Surphace music from htp://www.myjonesmusic.com . Let me know if I'm wrong, it's been known to happen. (Believe it or not.)

Anyway, this is not pointless ranting. I was on the phone with Charlie earlier tonight and discussed the band, the gigs, the website, and KC. (What?! Every conversation includes KC now!) I've got a point to prove. Surphace has a message board in their site: Surphace.net. Listen to their tracks on the other site and if you like it let Charlie know. And if you really like it let me know and I'll see about getting their CD for you.

Jack Off Jill
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Once when before Kazaa threatened to crash my Daddy's computer I downloaded a load of JOJ's songs. I was hooked, listened to it through numerous road trips. I burned the same CD over and over giving it to random folks. Inevitably my CD wore off, Daddy deleted Kazaa and all my files, and JOJ was lost for good. *Sigh*

One of my so-called anthems - -

Fear of Dying

I'm not afraid of standing still
I'm just afraid of being bored
I'm not afraid of speaking my mind
I'm just afraid of being ignored

I'm not afraid of feeling
and I'm not afraid of trying
I'm just afraid of losing
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

I'm not afraid of being sick
I'm more afraid of being well
I'm not afraid
Put the gun in my hand
I'm just afraid it will hurt like (hurt like) hell

I'm not afraid of screaming
and I'm not afraid of crying
I'm just afraid of forgetting
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of

I'm not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn't care what they say
I'm not afraid of happy endings
I'm just afraid my life won't work that way

I'm not afraid of forgiveness
I absolve you everything
I'm not afraid of lying...
But I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...

chocolate liqueurs
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

I have called in from work due to the weather. Ray and I are snowed in with hardly any food and only one DVD we haven't watched. We have decided to drown our sorrows in miniature bottles of liquor made with chocolate and (from what Ray has described 5 minutes ago) shots of liquor inside. Ray had the Malibu bottle, I'm sitting beside Stoli Vanilla. I'm scared of shots and this bottle feels heavy. Hold on...

Oh, man! We can get drunk out of this. You just basically take a bite off the top, down the shot, and eat the rest of the bottle. Ray got this nifty Christmas present from his grandma. "Grandma, you rock!" She's also the woman responsible for stocking us up with Tasty Kakes. This is heaven!

So you do read my site? And you complain it's never updated. Shame on you for making me feel unwanted and unread.

I like the response from the previous post. A got bad ones too, let me tell you. (Well, one bad one.) It was not posted which is the best part and it's a response close to my heart. Glad to say it's getting worked out though. Blogs are very fragile like that. I'm not sure how long that post will stay there, or if there will be others as openly vulnerable, but I'm glad we all got to bond.

I want Nick to stop picking on my kid and I want Ching to quit making fun of me. Really guys I have feelings too.

So, want to hear my New Year's Resolutions...watch out!

1. Spend more time with Logan. (Hopefully my new schedule will help out. I can spend an entire Friday with him, EVERYWEEK. And it won't interfere with his time with his Daddy.)
2. Write more. Read more. Sleep more.
3. Drink less.
4. Think healthy. Be healthy. (Basically that means to remember to eat.)
5. Go back to school. (I think that might still be part of next year's resolution list. = )
6. Learn patience. Shut my mouth, hold my tongue and practice listening skills.
7. (As Mom and Dad said...) Learn to add. $12 - $20.22 gas - $25.00 overdraft fee = $40 fast cash for the bar?
8. Clean my car and keep it clean.
9. Clean my apartment and keep it clean.
10. _________________________________

It's ten, I always like rounding up, but I don't want to share that one. It's not for you to know. Or maybe I just want to be clever.

BTW, I'm trying to update the events and music calendar slowly. I don't have much 'puter time. Ray just upgraded his PC and I've been told it's too expensive for me to crash so I'm monitored.

A tiny recap from a past blog that Carissa and I used to tend. Posts from 08.20.2003, 09.24.2003, and 12.12.2003 will give some insight. Let's see if we can finally put this chapter to close.

More than a year later...

Guy A is MIA. Lord, knows where he is or what he's doing. Right now I can't really be bothered to even guess, I have too much going on. To be honest I can barely remember anything about him anymore.

Guy B was supposed to be a friend and confidant. Life, trying to even out the score, decided "Screw putting up with his complications let's see if he can deal with yours." Ladies and gents, I'm here to announce that he couldn't. Now who's the foregone conclusion?

Guy C still irritates me to no end. I want him to stop showing up everywhere I go. I need him to move.

Guy D I haven't seen since probably the last entry. I don't know why he was ever part of the contention. Carissa and I speculate he finally got a ride to Emporia and stayed for his eternal "Kegger." He was a strange one.

Guy E aka Mystery Man. Maybe I'm being slightly cold during this entry but I barely remember him either. I hope I'm not shorting anyone of credit their due, my memory is just not the same. He was cool, I remember that much.

I guess I needed a public show that I'm putting all this behind me. A year ago I pleaded with life to let me stay in this paradise of non-relationships. Without meaning to I tripped into my current "taken" status and seems like I was never single before. For anyone who basks in impossibilities and drama let me let you in on a little secret - impossibilities and drama don't just exist in certain scenarios, they are created and can be placed in EVERY scenario.

One long post just to say, I've decided to grow up and settle down. I've seen complications overwhelm strong and wise characters from my past, I don't want to go down like them. And maybe this morning I just woke up scared. Superstition has it what you do while welcoming the new year is what you do for the rest of that year. Well, guess what I did... I went to the Pub with Ray and waited for the midnight kiss. Guy B walks by and I try to ignore him, of course I'll say for Ray's sake, because we've had issues about this guy and I didn't want Ray upset. I thought Guy B had left, it didn't look like he was there with anyone anyway. So Ray and I enjoy the rest of the night, we down our jello shots and champagne and play pool. (I think about five games where I didn't even win one.) Then Guy B is back and all I know is he's fallen drunk by where we stood. He's made an ass of himself. Recap last night Ray said he was actually crawling aroung the filthy bar carpet. Of course, Ray has caught on the fact that I knew him and asked me who he was. I was trying not to say anything to spare the usual drama. Ray knew his name, but never met him. I come clean and Ray surprised me by being the most understanding he has ever been ALL YEAR. He really is trying to change. I should have never doubted it. We continue playing til we were out of quarters and then head home. So Ray's off to a good start welcoming the new year with his new non-jealous calm and collected attitude. And I ... I spent the night trying to dodge ex-involvements. I'd rather not be doomed to that activity for an entire year.

So I've resolved to let go of all the baggage. I'm sure Ray however cool he acted didn't deserve the witness the drunken charade by Guy B either. I'm done trying to defend anyone's character. Ray is trying his hardest to be better and I'm on his side, especially if you're going to act like an ass.