Mom, drove me home a little before noon. We stopped at the Royal Carribean call center so she can drop something off to her friend, then she bought me take out from Malaysian Cafe. I had planned on going to the lab at Via Christi to get my blood drawn but being already at home I decided to tackle the tedious task of cleaning. I got my bathroom done first. Took the rugs out to wash and scrubbed the porcelain. Before I knew it, it was time for Logan to be home from school already, so I packed all the laundry I needed to do and headed back to Derby. I was fed some more, since that seems to be the only cure for me right now.

This morning I got up and decided I have to face the music and I need to have blood taken eventually. Somehow I only find it important to consider my health when I'm already faint and nauseous. So I got up and headed to Via Christi where they mutilated me. You see how small my arm is? They can't be gentle enough.



One of my aunts was actually in the lab, which I didn't expect, so she distracted me with idle gossips and I had less temptation to stare at the tube hanging from my arm. Seriously, I was more taken aback by the fact that I had to wear a band for such a short visit. I came in with a note from my doctor, a lot of codes, then she gave me the band and I thought, "No way, I'm only here to give blood. I'm not staying, am I? Am I?" I was scared. Seriously.

Oh, and today when I got back to Mom's house she asked if I wanted to go to Cowtown. Of course, I do. I've always wanted to go but Ray was adamant that nothing was exciting there so I never had the pleasure. I'm a little mixed with my expectations: I hope it rocks and I have tons of pictures to blog about, but then I hope it doesn't provide unforgettable memories so Ray wouldn't have to miss out. I guess I can rationalize this by the fact that he's in a different country for the first time, my memory of Cowtown will never compare to the memories he'll be taking back with him. It's only a small consolation price for me. Right?

Either way, I have to eat some more. If anyone has noticed a pattern I eat a lot, and I'm the first to admit that. So, that feed Cranky button is less of a joke every day. *Sigh*

My bored ass took this picture last week at the doctor's office. I was ordered to get blood drawn for some tests but I put if off for this Wednesday. Lo and behold I got sick again yesterday. Mom picked me up this time, Ray is in the UK already. I threw up when we got to Derby, I don't think I was that sick so I blame it on Mom's stop and go driving.

I laid down immediately waiting for Mom to cook something. Got up ate and settled in on their couch. Woke up around 12:30am to my cell vibrating and felt better instantly. My bunny on the phone always cheers me up. I never realized how much I depended on him before. You know, he knows my needs. He was the one that reminded me to eat and sometimes forced me to eat. He always drove by when I didn't feel good and took care of me. I'm such a baby, but he puts up with it.

Tonight he said he had a bad dream about me. Before he use to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me he had a bad dream about me and I had to comfort him back to sleep with "No, I haven't talked to so-and-so." or "But I would never do that, sweetie." and always with "I love you forever" complete with cuddles. I wish I could have done that tonight. It's only for the next two weeks but barely ever being apart for almost two years it's a hard transition. I just remembered after the first two weeks of us dating he took off for a week to Arizona for a friend's wedding and my complaint then was that we had not been together enough for me to have to go without him already. I guess whichever way you cut it I just don't like us being apart.

Oh, so after talking to Ray on the phone I decided to go up to the kitchen and eat some more. As usual, my geeky self vegged in front of the puter for entertainment. Checking out Chingay's blog I saw a scary view on their webcam so I had to take a pull incase there's no logical reason for it, like a mask accidentally placed on the desk, and I can warn them before they disapper without a trace.



Creepy. Usually the webcam shows Brian's desk. I hope this is a prank, everybody knows I'm scared of the dark.

So my plan while Ray is away is to deep clean my apartment, get some reading done, get his website up and running, and as a side note, get me properly groomed (hair, nails, facials and such) before he gets home so I can be semi-pretty by the time he gets back. I learned from my parents: Daddy is always happier when Mom takes care of herself and makes herself prettier, makes ordinary days seem special I think.

Ugh, I'm hungry again. Sometimes, I wish I would turn diabetic so atleast I can take insulin and feel better. But then what if diabetics don't just feel better instantly after the shot, what if it's worse? And Tito Alan told me awhile back that if I turned diabetic he would have to cut off my leg, that would suck.

Whatever, I'm going to eat and try to sleep some more. I'm planning on asking Mom to drive me back to Wichita early. I'm going to get my blood drawn, start cleaning my apartment and maybe do some grocery shopping.

Feel free to call me if you already know my number. I'll probably cry over the phone, I've been crying a lot from missing Ray, but realize it's not personal and I'm still capable of cracking good jokes, just need good distractions is all.

10-01-05_1805.jpg
Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

Being sick also gave me a chance to be in the passenger seat, so I can take this picture. This was on the way home to Derby going South on Rock I give Ray credit for pointing it out.

Being sick gave me time to slow down and listen. In the process I heard some fairly moving songs. True love is being someone that someone else can sing these songs about...


My Love is True (Graffiti)
Originally uploaded by pupski.

Somebody - Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's stings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
And things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it



True love
Originally uploaded by Surfin on a Rock.

Something In the Way She Moves - James Taylor

Something in the way she moves, or looks my way, or calls my name
that seems to leave this troubled world behind.
And if I'm feeling down and blue or troubled by some foolish game,
she always seems to make me change my mind..

And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
she's around me now almost about all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine.

Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning
and I find myself careening in places where I should not let me go.
She has the power to go where no one else can find me and to silently remind me
of the happiness and the good times that I know, and then I just got to go then.

It isn't what she's got to say but how she thinks and where she's been.
To me, the words are nice, the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way, it doesn't much matter what they mean.
she says them mostly just to calm me down

And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
she's around me now almost about all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine.

It started during my three day weekend, feeling a bit under the weather y'know but trying not to concentrate too much on it, a slight belief that it's partly psychological. I wake up Thursday morning with a headache making me feel naseous. I chalk it up to the fact that I had cried myself to sleep (yeah, whatever) and my eyes were fatigued. I took it easy all day, ate a lot to prevent a sugar attack from making my day even worse, and took naps throughout the day.

Friday was an easy one at work, I felt hungry all day, but I'm always hungry. I've somehow conditioned myself to expect food every 3 - 4 hours, with a lot of snacking in between. I was feeling sleepy at work but I used getting up early that day so I could get to the bank, (I forgot my ATM pin number,) and run errands before work as my excuse. After work I went to Japan Express and got some Suki Yaki Beef for dinner and got to bed around 8:45PM. It was only supposed to be a short nap so I could feel a bit rested before going out, but it turned out I was more tired than expected. I woke up around 10:30ish and went back to sleep still tired. At around 12:30AM the rain wakes me up. Great, now I'll be up until 8AM and I'll be really tired for work. I text Eli and meet him and Ben at the Anchor. Of course I had to stop to get gas so I only show up long enough for a drink before last call. On the way home I felt my throats getting all itchy, so in my head I started an entire debate of "can I buy cough drops now and prevent getting a cough/cold or do I have to get sick first before I can get over it?"

This morning I woke up all achey, and limbs tingly as if I had slept wrong and cut the blood circulation to my limbs all night. My head was hurting on the left side and my left eye was also affected. I suspected a migraine until I opened my eyes and I was not at all sensitive to the light. I got up and was immediately hungry and nauseuos at the same time. I figured it was a sugar attack and called Mom. (She feeds me and takes care of me.)Usually if I catch it in time I prevent the tunnel vision effect which really bites, and sometimes passing out.

Now after eating and still being achey and having the left side of my head hurt I start to think there's something more wrong. I ate a lot yesterday so I don't know why I would have a sugar attack today. Plus the fact that my throat hurts when I swallow and my left ear feels infected. I'm not a doctor and I don't feel like researching anything right now but I feel like crap and I think I'm going to die.