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Originally uploaded by _crankymonkey.

My Apology to Jenni

To my Jenni....I would like to say just how sorry I am that I haven't been the boyfriend you've wanted really for the past 2 years. You are the most important person in my life even though I know I haven't showed it. Even if you don't accept my apology for being such a jackass to you all this time, I hope you at least know in your heart how much I truly love you and how I really wanted things to be great between us. Recently I have brought you to your breaking point and I need you to know how much I regret acting like an idiot and not thinking about your feelings. You are my sunshine and I'll love you forever baby.

I don't feel like loving you today
So don't you even try to change my mind
The best thing you can do right now is just go away
'Cause I don't feel like loving you today

I don't want to talk about last night
I'm angry, and I haven't had much sleep
And I'm so tired and bloodshot
Th'ain't no tellin' what I'd say
'Cause I don't feel like loving you today

But you know I will anyway
Even though we make it hard sometimes
And I'll wind up forgiving you
And probably loving you for the rest of my life

But I don't feel like loving you today
And I've got sixteen hours left to go
I might tell you that I'm leavin'
Even though you know I'll stay
'Cause I don't feel like loving you today

But you know I will anyway
Even though we make it hard sometimes
And I'll wind up forgiving you
And probably loving you for the rest of my life

But I don't feel like loving you today, hey
I just don't feel like loving you today

I'd say about 5 hours ago this blog would have been a lot more different. I meant to delete a lot of things and put some things up for sale. I'm still selling some things off - tennis bracelet, pearl necklace with bracelet and earings, a gold ring with interchangeable jade inserts, and some living room furniture. I'll post pics soon as I get the chance, just cleaning out so if anyone is interested feel free to email me.

Anyway, putting things in perspective I guess I don't really feel bad. I don't feel like I lost anything. I don't feel like I've been wronged. My sister and brother-in-law took me out to dinner at PF Chang's, according to my sister she would have to pretend that I was really devastated so we would have a reason to eat out. She took a pic of me and I'm sure there's an interesting blog about it on her site. Right now she's feeding her "rodents" and soon she will use me as guinea pig for something she's doing for work. If it were up to me I'd be taking advantage of two for ones at Mort's but honestly I know who I'd want to see right now and I'm sure they're not there. I'm through wasting my time on pointless endeavors. I've made a goal and since I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this will have to do. I will be settled and married by next year hopefully with someone I really care about and vice versa. Hopefully soon I will have that perfect relationship I can blog about and we'll throw a cyber party.

Besides, I'm the strong one people run to for comfort, did anyone really expect me to curl up and quit? And if all else fails plan b is to get back on medication. There's always a silver lining. Ciao!