You're Beautiful
~ James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

***************************

It's a completely overplayed song but it fits so well.

Last night I was - out. The usual shananigans, started out with plans of an after party, a liqour list, and tons of running around while dodging unwanted calls and baiting with text messages. Officially single, official because I feel this time it's right, and I was off to be "my old self" again. Walking in to make a scene, and I did. The bar was packed more than usual due to the Night Before Thanksgiving Alcohol Panic. I never left the bar I started at, but I can't remember where abouts in the bar I was at. The bar is itty-bitty but somehow I always had a new spot to stand in. I made a lot of friends. Well, maybe not friends, half I can't remember but I spoke to a multitude I'm sure. Ah, "my old self," my teeth hurt and my lips chapped from the non-stop grinning.

Finally, as the night was winding down, and I was sitting on the ledge, I was struck sober by the sight of a complete stranger. And amidst the drunken madness he looked so out of place. I say to myself it was his eyes, but more I think it was the flip flops he was wearing. He reminded me of a boy I trusted a long time ago, a friendship that went sour too fast, getting hurt and hurting back. Immediately there was silence, in my head, in my heart, the sound of my own thoughts more deafening than the night life. Despite my newly practiced social skills, I never spoke to him, he and his friend eventually got up and left, our only interaction was watching each other through the glass walls as he and his friend walked towards the parking lots.

I'll never speak to him, because he will break an expectation that I set within the first 3 seconds of laying eyes on him. I will never see him again, because even if we do cross paths tomorrow or next year, I will never be in the same state, and he won't be that guy anymore, not for me. In an instant I knew who I was, "my old self" is a shy, quiet and hopeless dreamer always caught by surprise by the inevitable disappointment. The brasen girl who you now know is a product of years of deceit, neglect and heartache. And I don't think I'm changing back.