Being a straight girl means someday I'll settle down with a straight guy. (This blog started all types of anti-homosexual but not intended to.) If you were a gay guy that would be cool too. I'm just sad for anyone that has to live with a girl. Frightened for anyone that would eventually settle with me.

A grew up in a family structure of mom, sis, me and dad. Dad, fairly outnumbered, managed to have control through the fear system. He had the look. I've been trying to master that look since I was 8 yrs old but it seems from me it is less intimidating.

Now Dad left the Philippines when I was 10 yrs old. I was left in a house of all women. Mom, my sis, my grandma and several maids we rotated from hiring and firing. If reality tv could have documented my life at that point my manic bipolarness would be way justified. Not to mention the cycle of the moon, we also had fiery Visayan blood to deal with. Cabinet doors slam, utensils are banged around in the drawer, anything that can make noise is forced to it's loudest due to somebody throwing a fit. One time I remember I even provoked a maid enough that she threw an end table in my direction, now she was not Visayan she was Muslim though I believe she strayed plenty from that religion. There were a lot of tantrums thrown and too much crying for no reason. It would have driven any man insane.

Ever since we moved to the US to join Dad things had pretty much gone to normal. The look controlled us. Of course, Dad frequently leaves town for work but he was never more than a phone call and a threat away. Now, my grandma has come to visit and along with that she has brought inspiration for the old shananigans. For some reason my mother has decided she will compete against grandma on who can lack attention more. To top it off, Dad is out of the country which I believe is a big part of Mom lacking attention.

I've been frequenting Mom and Dad's more often lately. I see Logan every week Wednesdays and Thursdays before Matt picks him up, I get free food, and use of the computer and actually liked sitting with Dad and having him pick on me. But since he's been gone it's not been as pleasant. Grandma panicked when the doorbell rang and I was in the bathroom. I kept telling her she didn't have to get it and quit muttering I can't hear her from the bathroom, so she ruined my private moment by rattling the bathroom door knob trying to get in - so I could hear her better? Mom since yesterday has been feeling depressed, her mood swing causes her to overreact, and I think she is on her way to get some retail therapy after spending the entire morning sniffling in the kitchen.

I'm glad Ching is gone and married, she was the more psychotic one from us all. I'm sure she would have stabbed someone if her hair was not curled right. But as for me, I am dramatic enough on my own. I think I will stay away from my parents' house for awhile until Dad comes back.I feel myself going crazy.

God bless the man that can love me despite my ups and downs. God bless the man that will have Dad's strength to handle me in any level of crazy. And God protect that man when he tries to handle me the wrong way when the tide rises with the moon.