Cranky Monkeymay explode without warning

M EXPLOSIVE

So I lost my car keys. No, it's not in the ignition where I usually find it after having the car unlocked by This-And-That Towing Services. It's somewhere (I presume) in the hands of an "I will find a set of keys and fail to turn it in" culprit, causing me to lose my cool factor while out with Becky and Jacob, my long time friends that I haven't seen in a very long time. Making me into a hopeless patron of 24 hours emergency services, including Jason (thank you), and hitting me with the undeniable fact that I hate myself.

The day after I spent at work hung over and lacking sleep hating every one that beeped through my headset. For lunch I tried to alienate loved ones, (sorry Bunny,) stressed and frustrated at having f-ed up once again. I am forever in the situation of needing help. I am constantly THE lost cause. And during a blow out phone session trying to explain why I don't need THIS stress I explained out loud, more to myself than to the other person, why this is bigger than itself and that the problems I've swept under the rug in the past are now demanding immediate attention.

Why I am stressed:

because I have lost my car key, my apt key, my mailbox key (and whatever else was on the f-ing key ring.)

because I could have prevented the loss by paying more attention, drinking less/slow, or staying home for goodness sake

because this loss has caused me to slow down in my moving process which I still have a lot of to do

after the hectic move I will find my deposit gone and possibly need to pay for a new fridge since I have no time to invest in cleaning the one I "ruined"

after having paid for the unlock services (car and apt) I will find my bank acct overdrawn once again

being overdrawn will force me to appreciate BOTH of my current jobs and resent myself for not having a better job

wishing for a better job will remind me that I am stuck in this position until I get a degree

I will go through the why-am-I-not-in-school trauma realizing that my laziness has prevented me from having the unstressed life I have been faking

I will hate my lazy, drunken, forgetful self more which will give me more reason to be lazy, drunken and forgetful out of sheer depression

my friends will notice that the laziness has caused me to skip showers and no one will sit close to me

my drunkenness will wreak havoc and cause the downfall of personal relationships but still not enough for me to sign up for AA classes

I will forget once again that I hate myself so I will not enroll in school this summer like I had planned, go out more often and I will lose the set of keys that I have yet had made to get myself back into my car/apt

It's a crazy cycle, I know, I wrote it that way.